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Hi. This is Sara.
First, understand that I am NOT happy to send this out. However, I am sending this message out, because from what I understand, the narrative of my breakup with Matt has been told with lies by his family, particularly by Anesia. Since the breakup in June, some friends and family on their side have let me know what is being said. She is still recently sending out more lies and messages pertaining to me.
I will not stand idly and let this continue.
So why did we really break up?
Unlike what Anésia claims, it wasn't such a shallow reason as him being a "mamas boy". Though her over stepping into our relationship and disrespecting boundaries was a part of it, I broke up with Matt as an accumulation of pain from over the years reached its final straw on June 3rd. Matt had been dishonest with me when I was honest with him; he hid many things from me (toying with the idea of cheating 3 times; smoking; an eating disorder; gambling...). He essentially chose another woman (our former psychologist, Bridget, who I uncovered had been engaging in unethical and illegal behavior) over his fiance, and did not prioritize my safety. Anesia and Matt hid their conversations with Bridget during my last week with them, after I uncovered she had been lying to me, used me, and did illegal things with her psychological practice.
I could no longer trust Matt, nor his mother. I felt unsafe. And so I broke up with him. I notified our friends and asked them to take care of him during that difficult time. I did not do this without pain or heartlessly. It was an immense decision, a confusing decision, a DEVASTATING decision.
I will not stand idly and let this continue.
So why did we really break up?
Unlike what Anésia claims, it wasn't such a shallow reason as him being a "mamas boy". Though her over stepping into our relationship and disrespecting boundaries was a part of it, I broke up with Matt as an accumulation of pain from over the years reached its final straw on June 3rd. Matt had been dishonest with me when I was honest with him; he hid many things from me (toying with the idea of cheating 3 times; smoking; an eating disorder; gambling...). He essentially chose another woman (our former psychologist, Bridget, who I uncovered had been engaging in unethical and illegal behavior) over his fiance, and did not prioritize my safety. Anesia and Matt hid their conversations with Bridget during my last week with them, after I uncovered she had been lying to me, used me, and did illegal things with her psychological practice.
I could no longer trust Matt, nor his mother. I felt unsafe. And so I broke up with him. I notified our friends and asked them to take care of him during that difficult time. I did not do this without pain or heartlessly. It was an immense decision, a confusing decision, a DEVASTATING decision.
I now want to share my truth. From the events before the breakup, the immediate aftermath of the breakup, to now more recent events.
I haven't been "perfect" during this breakup. For that, I appologize. But this was my first relationship, my first love. I have dealt with it as best as I can. However, it has been immensely difficult...especially due to the aftermath:
I haven't been "perfect" during this breakup. For that, I appologize. But this was my first relationship, my first love. I have dealt with it as best as I can. However, it has been immensely difficult...especially due to the aftermath:
Yes. Not everything is what it seems with the DaCostas.
This October, I would have known the DaCostas for nearly 9 years. And not everything is what it seems. While the DaCosta's wanted to maintain a particular image to the public, behind closed doors, there were many issues.
Why did we break up? Given the family's involvement, it was VERY complicated.
From the photos and screenshots below, you'll see that Matthew and I had underlying trust issues. He had lied to me many times, and even toyed with the idea of cheating, among other things. I suggested couples therapy from summer of 2020-summer of 2021 to try and save our relationship.
Below are my Whatsapp Messages with Matt on June 11, 2023. One week after the breakup. Proof of what actually happened and the real reasons behind the breakup.
Since Matt and I started dating in 2015, Kiana was slandering and bullying me online.
Kiana was slandering and bullying me online. Though I tried to confront her about the mixed messages I was getting from her over the years, Matt would brush it off and Kiana gaslighted me for years. This went on until we had our last conversation about her behavior in 2022. We were finally getting along better. However, after my breakup with Matt, she showed her true colors again.
Many of my issues/concerns with Matt and Kiana, were mostly created by Anesia. Behind closed doors, Anesia was/is mentally abusive.
A lot of the issues had origins from even before I came into the picture. Anesia and Kiana, behind closed doors, had a very abusive relationship. The extent of which made Kiana suicidal.
Kiana relied heavily on Matt so, unknown to me at the time, she held a lot of jealousy and resentment towards me when I began to date Matthew. It did not help that, when it suited her needs, Anesia would make jabs at Kiana and compare her to me without my knowledge.
Once I became more aware of what was going on, I confronted both Kiana and Anesia on separate ocassions. Anesia, in particular, prefered to believe her own delusions and lived in denial of her own abuse towards her children.
Kiana relied heavily on Matt so, unknown to me at the time, she held a lot of jealousy and resentment towards me when I began to date Matthew. It did not help that, when it suited her needs, Anesia would make jabs at Kiana and compare her to me without my knowledge.
Once I became more aware of what was going on, I confronted both Kiana and Anesia on separate ocassions. Anesia, in particular, prefered to believe her own delusions and lived in denial of her own abuse towards her children.
Likewise, Anesia's clinging to Matt and invasion of his boundaries gave him tendencies to lie so as to "not dissapoint others" or ruin their image of him.
Matt and I essentially broke up becuase he lied to me. Anesia and Matt were keeping it a secret that they were having conversations with our then friend Bridget, who used to be our couples therapist, our private therapist, and soon to be matron-of-honor (Yes, red flags there). Rather than support me when I uncovered she was involved in unethical (and illegal) practices, Anesia and Matt reached out to her and tried to hide it from me.
(P.S. Anesia: By essentially saying above that you were the last text on Bridget's phone--in your attempt to try and cover up why your group message with her was created.--you basically admitted to me that you were talking with her enough to be on her top messages...days after my issues with her had started.)
Over the years, I've also known Anesia to change narratives and put words in people's mouths that were not said by them. As such, with her, I got used to saving all of our conversations. Yes, I texted her a lot about our issues rather than talk in person, but it was out of self defense. I was not going to play the "she said, he said" game with her and Matt. I had dealt with a narcissist before. Though I didn't want to have to deal with one again, I put up with Anesia's antics out of love for Matthew.
Below is an example of how, in 2022, she kept insisting that I called her and her daughter "evil" and "horrible," even though such words were never used by me. I had circled a moment earlier in our conversation where SHE was the first and only one to use those words.
Below is an example of how, in 2022, she kept insisting that I called her and her daughter "evil" and "horrible," even though such words were never used by me. I had circled a moment earlier in our conversation where SHE was the first and only one to use those words.
We also broke up because, despite being his fiance, I was not a priority to Matt. He chose another woman (Bridget) over me. Throughout our engagement, while Anesia created issues due to her dissapointment at us getting engaged, Matt did not stick up for me.
Issues before engagement:
-Anesia did not like how I looked, spoke, dressed, or that I was not Portuguese. Saddly for her, I could understand Portuguese, so I picked up on a lot of her complaints early on. I was dumb and in love with Matt and persisted.
-Comparisons between me and Kiana; she created a lot of Kiana's resentment
-Very clingly and manipulative when Matt and I were first dating, and throughout the years even up until our breakup. Though he was two years older than me, she would constantly text him on our dates. Matt had to be home by a certain time, ect.
After engagement:
-Continued to hold it against us (mainly ME) that Matt proposed without letting her know. He was trying to keep it a surprise.
-While everyone else was excited for us and celebrating our engagement, Anesia was not. She would only post about it if I ASKED her to write something; not willingly. Everyone else sent us messages with good wishes, cards, gifts. Even our family outing to celebrate the engagement, >>I<< had to personally plan it and arrange it.
-She claimed that I did not invite her to Bridal Expo or inform her of who was going, even though I invited her THREE times.
-Every step trying to plan engagement photos, she kept making quips at me and my ideas,
-For the engagement photoshoot, we had talked about what to wear. She proceeded to ask Matt what I was going to wear in the end (after discouraging me from wearing a white dress; I wanted to wear white in case my Mom passed away, so that I could have a picture with her on my wedding day). Anesia decided to wear the same color as me, came up to me and said, "Oh I just wanted to match you," DESPITE the pre-planned colors.
-The week of the breakup, she got upset that I did not message her right away while Matt and I were fishing....
-When we had issues throughout the engagement, she reached out to Bridget. I was not comfortable with this and let her know; she ignored it.
-She chose to lie to me and asked Matt to hide from me the fact that they were still communicating with Bridget while the whole situation was still sensitive.
-Anesia did not like how I looked, spoke, dressed, or that I was not Portuguese. Saddly for her, I could understand Portuguese, so I picked up on a lot of her complaints early on. I was dumb and in love with Matt and persisted.
-Comparisons between me and Kiana; she created a lot of Kiana's resentment
-Very clingly and manipulative when Matt and I were first dating, and throughout the years even up until our breakup. Though he was two years older than me, she would constantly text him on our dates. Matt had to be home by a certain time, ect.
After engagement:
-Continued to hold it against us (mainly ME) that Matt proposed without letting her know. He was trying to keep it a surprise.
-While everyone else was excited for us and celebrating our engagement, Anesia was not. She would only post about it if I ASKED her to write something; not willingly. Everyone else sent us messages with good wishes, cards, gifts. Even our family outing to celebrate the engagement, >>I<< had to personally plan it and arrange it.
-She claimed that I did not invite her to Bridal Expo or inform her of who was going, even though I invited her THREE times.
-Every step trying to plan engagement photos, she kept making quips at me and my ideas,
-For the engagement photoshoot, we had talked about what to wear. She proceeded to ask Matt what I was going to wear in the end (after discouraging me from wearing a white dress; I wanted to wear white in case my Mom passed away, so that I could have a picture with her on my wedding day). Anesia decided to wear the same color as me, came up to me and said, "Oh I just wanted to match you," DESPITE the pre-planned colors.
-The week of the breakup, she got upset that I did not message her right away while Matt and I were fishing....
-When we had issues throughout the engagement, she reached out to Bridget. I was not comfortable with this and let her know; she ignored it.
-She chose to lie to me and asked Matt to hide from me the fact that they were still communicating with Bridget while the whole situation was still sensitive.
What happened after...
When we broke up, on June 3rd, Matt and I had agreed to stay friends. I asked him to move out (yes, kicked out would be the more appropritate term), as I no longer felt safe around him, laregly due to his deceit and betrayal. Our final conversations were primarily around WHY we broke up and the pain surrounding the breakup. He was in pain (understandably), I was hurt and very confused. Again, this being my first breakup, I was not quite sure what to do or say, I was still confused and very much in love with Matt. I suggested we could still do therapy and see where it would take us...
We discussed that I was to keep the furniture he left behind in the apartment. I had told him he did NOT need to pay last rent, as I had kicked him out very early into the month, but he insisted on giving me a last rent check. We were talking about events that were coming up that we would have attended together, about me finding more of his belongings and how to deliver them to him...
We discussed that I was to keep the furniture he left behind in the apartment. I had told him he did NOT need to pay last rent, as I had kicked him out very early into the month, but he insisted on giving me a last rent check. We were talking about events that were coming up that we would have attended together, about me finding more of his belongings and how to deliver them to him...
Initially, I stayed quiet.
During those first few weeks, I asked my friends to please be cordial and understanding of the situation. It did not need to be said, as the friends I have surrounded myself with are kind, loving, and understanding. I am proud of them.
All I did during the week following the breakup, was reach out to a few of Matt's family members to say farewell, and tell them I loved them one last time.
I was trying to stay busy and focus on work and my projects as best as I could...It was hard to concentrate. I missed many people that I grew to cherish.
I felt in my heart that I needed to reach out to a few of my loved ones, one last time. In my mind, it was the right thing to do. These were people I knew for so long, cared about, and did not simply want to dissapear from their lives without a goodbye and not without thanking them for everything over the years.
I reached out to Matt's little cousins, whom I love dearly as if they were my own family; I reached out to his aunts and uncles; to his grandmother (Gil's mother); and paid my final respects to his aunt and grandfather (I would visit the graves on my own around Father's day, birthdays, many times alone, rarely with Matt). I reached out to mutual friends that I shared with Matt, and to his sister, Kiana, with whom I have had a bumpy relationship with, but still loved her non the less. I did not reach out to Gil out of guilt, but also because I was afraid of how Anesia would react if I reached out to him.
I felt in my heart that I needed to reach out to a few of my loved ones, one last time. In my mind, it was the right thing to do. These were people I knew for so long, cared about, and did not simply want to dissapear from their lives without a goodbye and not without thanking them for everything over the years.
I reached out to Matt's little cousins, whom I love dearly as if they were my own family; I reached out to his aunts and uncles; to his grandmother (Gil's mother); and paid my final respects to his aunt and grandfather (I would visit the graves on my own around Father's day, birthdays, many times alone, rarely with Matt). I reached out to mutual friends that I shared with Matt, and to his sister, Kiana, with whom I have had a bumpy relationship with, but still loved her non the less. I did not reach out to Gil out of guilt, but also because I was afraid of how Anesia would react if I reached out to him.
When I reached out to those above, some were very angry and cold; others did not respond and simply blocked me. Few responded back, initially. I was confused by the angrier, colder responses...
but then I found out that the DaCostas were lying about why our relationship ended.
A week after the breakup, I saw my friendships on his side drop left and right. I had people reaching out to me to cancel events, say they were not comfortable, ect. Normal of a breakup...Until a few friends and family of the DaCosta's reached out to me with concerns. I found out why so many people that I had been close to for nearly a decade, were blocking me.
His family had been spreading lies, like the messages below.
His family had been spreading lies, like the messages below.
My heart shattered with each new piece of information I received...I was hurt, angry...
I told myself: Shame on them, for being so dishonest. They did not want to own up to what truly happened. I had good relationships with the people in their lives, and thus they had to LIE and paint me in a negative light and ask people to block me. Because they were afraid of me exposing the truth , telling the story for what it was.
Shame on them, because all I said to my friends was to give distance, show respect, and be supportive to BOTH of us. The day that Matt moved out, I told my friends to be cordial.
Shame on them, because all I said to my friends was to give distance, show respect, and be supportive to BOTH of us. The day that Matt moved out, I told my friends to be cordial.
So what did Anesia and the family do, during and after the breakup?
Anesia spread lies while her son was moving out. Matt, Gilbert, Kiana, and John came to move him out; only two of my friends were able to come and assist, as the family decided to move Matt out on Monday (June 5th) rather than the upcoming Saturday (June 10th) that Matt and I had agreed to. Even for me, it was very sudden. I took the day off from work to pack his belongings and try and make it easy and quick for everyone.
Why was Anesia not there? Because, and this was no secret, I specifically requested for her to not show up at my apartment. Many of my arguments/issues with Matt this year began with her, and I was sick of seeing her--
Why was Anesia not there? Because, and this was no secret, I specifically requested for her to not show up at my apartment. Many of my arguments/issues with Matt this year began with her, and I was sick of seeing her--
--the woman who had encouraged her son to lie to me and betray me.
I didn't want Matthew to move out in the end. I was hearbroken, confused, and wanted to see what we could salvage...
But his family wanted me completely OUT of their lives.
Within two days of the breakup, and the day that Matt moved out, Anesia erased anything that had to do with me from her Facebook and social media.
She was busy erasing nearly 9 years worth of any pictures and posts with my name on it, unfriended me (then requested to add me again), she blocked my friends (who were not even on her Facebook). I chose to block her, as I did not need any slander and did not want her reaching out to me.
Kiana went back to her old ways of slandering/online bullying.
While Matt was moving out, Anesia's daughter, Kiana, kept bumping into me/brushing past me while I was packing things for Matt. She was giving me the cold shoulder, and was glaring at me, showing her true colors to me once again...That night, she posted on Twitter how this [the breakup] was harder for her than for Matt, and that she helped her brother leave a "toxic" relationship.
I was baffled. I was such a toxic girlfriend that Kiana deleted every bad post (misleading/misconstrued to paint me in a bad light) AND good post she had written about me over the years. This way, she could pretend that she was the real victim, and paint this image of toxicity around me.
I was baffled. I was such a toxic girlfriend that Kiana deleted every bad post (misleading/misconstrued to paint me in a bad light) AND good post she had written about me over the years. This way, she could pretend that she was the real victim, and paint this image of toxicity around me.
My relationship with Kiana was rough and bumpy, but I was never afraid to stand up or confront her to try and mend things. Towards the end, we finally became close...or so I thought.
I was seeing their true colors, for the first time and the last time.
Kiana was the first to drive off. I thanked Gilbert and John for helping Matt move out. Matt even thanked my friends for helping, and said that they were good people (my friends were CORDIAL!). My friends and I watched as they drove off. The tears I had been stiffling back, finally came out in sobs.
I was slowly waking up, and realizing what had happend and what was happening; I had been gaslighted for years by the DaCostas, and now I was becoming a victim of slander.
After being oppressed by my own family for so many years, I did not want to sit by idly. I started to speak up about what happened.
Entering the third week after the breakup, I FINALLY spoke up about what happened, and my version of the events. I shared my story on Facebook to my friends, on June 19, 2023. There were still some mutual friends on there. Understandably, after my initial post, many were in disbelief. Some were angered and decided to distance, and I understood that this would be a consequence of sharing my story.
And this past week, after finding out that the family was continuing to slander me, THREE MONTHS after the breakup, I decided to speak my truth again. But I shared more details.
Am I happy that I did this?
No.
I was devastated. And I no longer wanted for the DaCosta's to take my voice from me.
Yes, I was VERY angry:
No.
I was devastated. And I no longer wanted for the DaCosta's to take my voice from me.
Yes, I was VERY angry:
Anesia has been claiming that I stole money from "all" of them. However, I worked 4 jobs at one point so that I did not have to rely on anyone --not even my birth family. Even Matt would get upset that I RARELY asked him for any sort of help.
I taught Matt how to budget. We spoke about the bills and expectations before he moved in. Everything was trasnparent.
Months before he moved in, I sat down with him, a check in hand, to pay him back for some help he gave me in 2021: He had helped me with my car, securing the new apartment, and heating for the winter. Though his help was very much appreciated, I will NOT stand by and be called a thief. Not when I ALWAYS offered to pay him back, and especially when TWICE he turned down my money and said he "was doing it out of love" and to "help me."
Even after the breakup, I offered to give Matt the furniture his family had gotten for him. That I would pay for a professional mover, and for the first month's rent of the storage unit (see last screenshot below). Is this the work of a thief?
Months before he moved in, I sat down with him, a check in hand, to pay him back for some help he gave me in 2021: He had helped me with my car, securing the new apartment, and heating for the winter. Though his help was very much appreciated, I will NOT stand by and be called a thief. Not when I ALWAYS offered to pay him back, and especially when TWICE he turned down my money and said he "was doing it out of love" and to "help me."
Even after the breakup, I offered to give Matt the furniture his family had gotten for him. That I would pay for a professional mover, and for the first month's rent of the storage unit (see last screenshot below). Is this the work of a thief?
